This is just a dream...

Holding onto all I have left of him, there is an uncomfortable still silence in the air. It's like I'm trying to breathe and the air is too much for my lungs. "Baby, why did you leave me? This can't be happening to me." Flashbacks of better times and memories rush through my head as I bow my head and let the tears roll down my face. I stand at our bedroom door, unable to open it. Scared to open it. Will it hit me with a flood of memories and regrets? Will I be able to handle the smells, the sense of your presence just like it was yesterday. Broken hangers clutter the floor, while the curtains lay over the window half opened. This was my sanctuary; this was my world. Now, my world has been destroyed by an ocean of remorse and unkindness. As I try to hide the tears, I just can't believe that this is actually happening. I can't even breathe.

Everyone tells me that it will get better. That one day, I'll be over this. That I'm better off; I deserve better; That I shouldn't settle for someone who is so cold. They give hope, but everyone is saying he's not coming home now. The feeling of emptiness overwhelmes my entire body until it becomes numb to the world. They say you just learn how to manage the pain, and one day it just starts gettinh easier somehow. I can't seem to find this balance between life and death. I can't wrap my brain around the fact that it is this easy just to let me go. I wanted him to save my life, but he just let me drown in the flood. The world is coming down around me and I can't find a reason to be loved. I tried my best to never let you go, but you gave up at the sight of a wound. I never believed that I would truly love until you put your arms around me. I can't breathe.

I would have never let this love go away. The feeling that you gave me made it feel like home. It was something in your eyes. I became completely lost in your touch. If you were with me I didn't care where we ended up, as long as you were holding onto me it meant I was safe. There was no place I would have ever wanted to be more than right by your side. You changed my life. My world made sense when you were in it. You saved me. I can't breathe.